Machanayim and Dybbuks - A Jewish Q&A with author Mari Lowe, Aviva Vs. the Dybbuk

My 11-year-old daughter nabbed my advanced copy of middle grade novel Aviva Vs. the Dybbuk by Mari Lowe before I could get my hands on it. She saw an Orthodox-sounding name and dove right in, and has since convinced her teacher to let her use it for reading choice at school. When I finally got the book back, I understood why my daughter was so enamored. The insider familiarity of an all-girls Orthodox Jewish school, of their friendships, and even the way the mothers interact, felt special. And to see this wonderful and moving book put out by a mainstream traditional publisher!

I caught up with Mari Lowe to ask all the Jewish questions about Aviva Vs. the Dybbuk, and even got one of my daughter’s questions in there, too.

Q: I have to start by saying that as a mom, I read this with a completely different eye than my 6th grade daughter...and we both loved it. And as a mom, I had to take a break for a few minutes to wipe away tears when Mrs. Leibowitz and Mrs. Eisenberger are standing in Aviva's mom's bedroom the day of the Bas Mitzvah Bash. Their compassion and kindness and solidarity blew me away. I would love to hear about how you developed the mother's storyline.

A: I’m a mom myself, and I think that in some ways, it’s easier for me to empathize with the mothers in the story because of that! While the faces of many Jewish communities tend to be male politicians and organizers, I find that women are the ones who quietly do most of the internal work and who keep the communities bonded together. So much of that within this book is in the background of scenes; whether from the women who visit Aviva’s mikvah to give her mother work and some temporary companionship, or from scenes in which Mrs. Eisenberger pushes Aviva’s mother just a little further out into the world. To me, it was very important that Aviva’s mother also gets to heal in this story– that, after years of struggling just to exist outside her apartment and after so many feelings of inadequacy, she might be able to accept the support system waiting for her.

Q: Aviva and Kayla bonding over a machanayim mishap was a fun twist! And what a delight to see machanayim in a traditionally published novel. This book was full of many insider games and traditions and terms. How did that process go with your editor? How did you decide what to keep and what to cut to make the book both authentic and accessible?

A: When I wrote the book, I was careful to make many terms more accessible and familiar than the ones that we actually use in the community. With concepts like the mikvah and machanayim, I explained them within the book, and generally wrote with a non-Orthodox audience in mind. But I was very fortunate to find an editor who was focused on authenticity above familiarity! He encouraged me to write as Aviva perceived the world and not as an outsider might perceive Aviva, and it made the book a much more realistic read.

Q: This question comes from my 6th grader: How did you come up with this book idea in the first place?

A: I don’t think I should mention where exactly I was when I thought it up, ha! But I was initially interested in writing a much more lighthearted story about a girl trying to foil the antics of her mikvah’s dybbuk. I think it wasn’t until I had actually written the words “Abba hadn’t come back as a gilgul,” that I realized that this was a girl who had lost her father, and that this was going to be a very different story than anticipated. It took on a life of its own after that!

Q: My daughter knew of the mikvah's existence but not really of its purpose before she read this book, and she had plenty of questions for me. There's so much mystery shrouding the mikvah, and this book lifts the veil. What are your thoughts on the best way for parents to answer questions about the mikvah when their young readers ask?

A: My ten-year-old son read the book after I got the proof, and he had some questions about it that I answered vaguely. (“Sure, there are women’s mikvaos. There are also men’s mikvaos. Some men immerse weekly.”) I don’t necessarily think that every child needs to know every detail of immersion, especially younger children, because it’s generally a private visit for women, and I did try to keep certain aspects of the mikvah general because of that! But I think that parents have to decide for themselves how much they’d like to elucidate there. A discussion of various mikvaos might be enough to satisfy some kids. Others might push for more information than a parent is comfortable offering. It’s really a question of what’s right for each child and parent– there’s no one-size-fits-all answer!

Q: I don't want to give away a spoiler, but the dybbuk had me convinced. How did you choose a dybbuk as your mischief-maker?

A: I thought the dybbuk was the perfect choice because this was a book about grief and recovering from it. The dybbuk is meant to be the spirit of a wandering soul– of someone with unfinished business, still lingering in this world. It was the perfect pairing for a mother and daughter who are in that same in-between, lingering between the world outside their apartment and the grief that has consumed them for so long.

Q: They're always telling writers to write what you know. Did you pull at all from your own life experiences in writing this book?

A: Very much so! It’s one of the easiest things I’ve ever written because so much of the setting and environment was so familiar to me. I teach in a sixth-grade classroom, and some of the techniques that the teachers use to get Aviva to decompress are techniques that I use. I spend a lot of time watching sixth graders go after each other like demons in machanayim games, and I wrote Aviva’s community to be one very similar to the one where I live. Aviva’s father’s stories are much like the ones that my father would tell me, and her Bas Mitzvah event is similar to some themed parties I’ve done for family members! Aviva and I live very different lives, but her surroundings are deeply influenced by my own experiences.

Q: It feels like a great time for Jewish Kid Lit! Jewish kids will really get a chance to see themselves represented in fiction. What books did you identify with as a kid and when was the first time you saw yourself in a book?

A: Yes! I see more and more books about Jewish kids lately, and I’m hopeful that there will be many others about Orthodox kids as well! Growing up, I remember appreciating any book that mentioned a Jewish character– I’d get excited about any offhand mention of a Jewish holiday or event. The only books I really had that were about Orthodox Jewish kids were the BY Times and Baker’s Dozen series, written by Orthodox Jews for Orthodox Jews. There was very little out there that stuck with me beyond those! We loved All-of-a-Kind Family, too, though we didn’t identify much with characters from a century ago. But I do remember the excitement in the house when we first got the Abby books in the Babysitter’s Club or when it was first mentioned that Jake and Rachel from Animorphs were Jewish. It made those characters feel just a little closer to me, and I appreciated the shoutout to my culture even when I didn’t see much of myself in them.